I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cut my penus on the lid.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
