so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
