why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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