i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
