My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I party with great urgency now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
