fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize