Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I want a musical about memes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
