can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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