For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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