im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
