just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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