My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
