i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
