I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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