I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
