Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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