I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
