Is it normal to miss your booty call?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
