WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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