She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
