i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
