Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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