I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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