this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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