the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
