I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
