You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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