whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize