this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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