My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
