who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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