great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
