So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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