Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
These tits shall not be calmed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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