I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
