Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
