my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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