I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think people are normalizing furries
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
