I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
