Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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