Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
