I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize