I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
