if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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