Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
