My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
