It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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