I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
