he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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