You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
