Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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