i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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