I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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