these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i've created a new STD.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize