i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize