you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
