The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
