You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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