I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
