I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
