my sisters under your porch take her home
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
