you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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