it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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