Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
