whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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