please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
