You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
