the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
