First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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