I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize