In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
